On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
