at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just found puke in my bra..
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
