imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
