Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
