I wish I could teleport
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
