we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Is it because I queefed?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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