Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
