Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I touched a dick in church today
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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