im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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