Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
