if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
