she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
