Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
