this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
