He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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