u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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