grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
