All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
My feet surprised me
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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