Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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