yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
this will be a night to untag.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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