Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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