I hate your face
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
