You really coming over, don't trick.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Randomize
