my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
