Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
how drunk are you?
Several
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
