genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
