1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
