i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
