just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
