i think my tv is drunk
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
