you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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