At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
