I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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