1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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