I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
