dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
