last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
then he tried to convert me to islam
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
