Your tits are I can't wait for
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
