i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
bring money and cleavage
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Randomize
