I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You need a sexual gate keeper
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just want to make out with him forever
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
