What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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