I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
