office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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