wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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