You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Randomize
