when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
