break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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