You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
