this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
