so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize