It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
