Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
