Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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