You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
