I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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