walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Pants are for mortals
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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