Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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