In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
