the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
