Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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