my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
