Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
even my farts smell like vagina
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
