do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
