Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
